Friday Five #8

What I'm NOT wearing this fall

Friends, fashion is weird right now. Actually, it’s been weird for a while, but some of the things I’m seeing are taking it to a whole new stratosphere of ugly. As the temperature drops and I start reaching for my beloved cardigans and sweaters and cozy pants, I thought it would be fun to do a post of items that I will decidedly NOT be adding to my fall wardrobe, no matter how much ads keep trying to shove them in my face. (If you’re reading this in your inbox, you may have to click on “view entire message” to see the fashion horrors in all their glory.)

1. Chunky platform loafers. I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume I’m not the target audience for this particular shoe trend, and that’s fine with me because they are gross. Gross, I tell you.

   

   It’s a no for me.

2. Sock boots. Yes, they’re just what they sound like: boots that are made out of sock-like material. Why is this a thing? Do I want my shoe to also be a sock? No.

   

3. Cargo pants. You know what I don’t need in my life? Extra fabric on the side of my pants to widen the appearance of my legs. Cargo pants disappeared from the fashion landscape a couple decades ago, and they need to stay in the past.

   

   Why are there so many drawstrings? Does she have parachutes in there?

4. Bodysuits. I don’t care how “smooth” and “sleek” a bodysuit will make me look, I refuse to have to take off my top or unsnap it (!) to go to the bathroom. I have to draw the line somewhere, and here I stand.

   

   She may look happy, but you know she has a wedgie.

5. Split-hem pants. Can someone explain this to me? I truly don’t understand. Old Navy keeps advertising these to me, and I really want to go try some on so I can have a good laugh.

   

I am sure there are many other items that I could add to this list, but now I want to know what is on your “NO” list for the fall. Do you too wish all cargo pants could be tossed in a pile and burned? Do you want to convince me of the many benefits of wearing platform loafers? Give it your best shot!